Woman in the Mirror

As I stated in this post, I try hard not to freely give out parenting advice. This is mostly because at the very second I begin to think I've got this gig all figured out my children kindly point out that I have a lot to learn. I often say that God made children to act as mirrors for parents. They reflect back an exact image of mom or dad. This feels great when they are portraying some of our more appealing characteristics. It also gets quite ugly and uncomfortable as we recognize our not so lovely but very human qualities.

This morning, I had one of those mirror moments. As we struck off for church, my girls dutifully grabbed a plastic bag complete with a set of toys that I was planning to downsize to the nursery. Shay and Kiera looked on and even assisted me yesterday in finding the items in our mountains of dolls and accessories. And so, I assumed all were in complete agreement with the plan. Today, as we climbed into the van one sister outed the other (I'll leave names out on this one) by declaring that said sister was not happy with the donation because she had purchased the doll with her own $10. I was less than happy with this unveiling of selfish feelings. How could she be upset with giving away one of a zillion dolls? What did it matter that it was purchased with her own money? And somewhere deep inside I was frustrated with this potential roadblock for my planned downsize for the day. After all, I had the blog entry penned in my mind and a witty title chosen.

We processed the entire scenario as we drove across the city and eventually my little girl was reduced to tears. It was in this moment that I stopped and realized that while I probably had some well founded concerns about her not wanting to give away some toys, I also had allowed my own agenda to drive my behavior. I quietly began to think about how I would feel if someone was pillaging my things and giving them away without asking. I contemplated how my personal challenge is feeding my ego and what sort of example that is setting for my girls. Finally, I concluded that if I want my girls to have giving hearts that I need to be modeling that behavior. Perhaps they are clinging to their things because they are replicating what they have seen me do until the last 42 days.

As we stepped out of the van I pulled my daughter aside and hugged her and apologized. I asked her to trust that she can verbalize her opinions to me and that while we won't always agree, what she has to offer does matter. We agreed that the set of toys would stay in her possession until she decided that she wanted to give them away. Together, the girls and I are going to work on weeding out some things but they will have some decision making power in the process.

This humbling exchange sent me into my own closet to find something of mine to get rid of. On this cool, overcast, fall afternoon I didn't have to look beyond my shoe organizer to find something expendable. As the open toed shoe season comes to a close, it is a perfect day to throw away old flip flops. After several seasons of wear my Keen sandals have seen better days and so they are officially trashed. While digging for them, I came upon several pairs of sneaker inserts that I no longer use thanks to my orthotics. And as I searched for a pair of slippers to warm my chilly toes, I deemed one pair too disgusting to wear. All of these things are in the trash now - a sort of shoe cleansing for my soul.

Peering into the garbage bag I paused and thought about my footprint - its' size and shape and depth. As I think about walking through life with six little feet following along, I pray that my path is worthy of following. I hope that I can be a shining example for my precious girls.